mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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