It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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