i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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