RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
