just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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