i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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