I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
