I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
