You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
