There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
