i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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