i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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