Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
