My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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