Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
