the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
