Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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