Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
