the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
