I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
