At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
