If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
