I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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