I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize