he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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