I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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