Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
