wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
