Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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