I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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