I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
