I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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