im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
