i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
