i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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