I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
