My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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