My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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