How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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