And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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