Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize