I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
