The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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