his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
ttyl tear gas
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize