its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
