dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
