we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize