i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize