I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
