I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
