the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
