so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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