I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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