He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize