What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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