Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
