a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
