I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
