i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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