Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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