i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
