im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
