she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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