I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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