Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
