like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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