he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
