Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
