i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize