he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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