booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
