when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
