I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
