is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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