Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
