I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
