I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize