I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
