Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
