There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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