My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
