Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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