Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize