There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
