did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
